


Lucky Food for an Unlucky Day

by AkinoAme



Category: Kamen Rider OOO
Genre: And now for something completely stupid, Crack Crossover, Gen, Net Movies canon, The Author Regrets Everything, slight crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 02:44:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12571976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkinoAme/pseuds/AkinoAme
Summary: LGKR Net Movies. Eiji finally cracks under the pressure of all of the Lucky Food competitions between him and Hina, and the rest of the world cracks with him.





	Lucky Food for an Unlucky Day

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Wei (wei_jiangling)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wei_jiangling/gifts).



                Eiji was wiping the same white platter dry for possibly the hundredth time that day when a thought occurred to him.

                They still had one more mystery customer.

                That meant another Lucky Food Competition.

                Again.

                "Hina?" he called out, trying to keep the dread out of his voice. "Who's our next customer?"

                She came out of the kitchen, carrying a tray of freshly washed glasses and smiling brightly as she said, "It's Ankh this time."

                Eiji sighed, and Hina swore she could hear the sound of his heart breaking from despair. She looked at him with concern as he held the platter against him, asking, "A lucky food for Ankh?"

                A few hours later, Ankh sat sulking at the table, glaring. This was stupid, Eiji and Hina were stupid, and why was he doing this again? He didn't care about a "lucky food"—there was only one thing he wanted to eat, and he'd had a hard time of that today.

                Eiji and Hina burst out of the kitchen, carrying covered silver platters as they politely called out, "Thank you for waiting!" and he snorted.

                "So," he said. "What's this 'lucky food' you've got for me?"

                Eiji was smiling, but otherwise not reacting. Hina glared across the table at him, glancing down at the platter to signal him to uncover it already, but he made no move to do so. Aggravated, Ankh lifted the cover himself, only to see...

                "Nothing?" he asked in disbelief as a buzzer rang.

                Eiji's smile began to crumble as he said, "Yes. Nothing. Because no matter what I do, I always lose! Even when Hina and I make the same thing, she wins and I lose!"

                They both stared at him uncomfortably, but he wasn't done breaking down, yelling, "I know the answer is ice cream! But if I bring it out, it's going to be wrong! And it's not like we even _have_ any ice cream anyway! I saw two boxes with nothing but sticks in there, a box of wasabi-filled ice cream, some kind of prop ice cream, jelly pops, and a box full of _chairs_. Who puts tiny chairs in the freezer? Who?"

                He knocked his platter off the table, and Ankh backed away, closer to Hina. Somewhere, a set of purple Medals was beginning to think Eiji needed to learn some self-control. After all, it wasn't like this was the end of the world.

                "And if that's not enough, I have to deal with the other Riders making fun of my underwear, Hina's father—who I thought was dead—actually being General Shadow and constantly refusing to give us his blessing for marriage, and Riders breaking up fights between me and Ankh with giant underwear and rusted swords and moo and meehhh..."

                "What is he talking about?" Hina whispered, but Ankh refused to say. That Final Vent would forever haunt his thoughts.

                "I've had it!" Eiji finally screamed. "I'm done! So whatever it is, Hina, congratulations. I'm happy for you, I really am, but I'm tired of being the butt of a running gag!"

                He stormed off upstairs, and for a minute, neither Ankh nor Hina said anything. Eiji's uncharacteristic explosion was just the last bizarre moment of a very weird day.

                Finally, Ankh looked back at the remaining platter and asked, "So. Is there ice cream under there?"

                "Not quite," Hina answered, as she lifted the cover to reveal a plate of rotisserie chicken.

                "What?" Ankh asked as a bell rang from somewhere. "What's with that sound—no, I don't want this!"

                "Well, you don't exactly have a choice now, do you?" she asked, grinning. "Since Eiji forfeited, that means that some nice, healthy chicken is your lucky food!"

                He leapt to his feet. "If you think I'm going to eat this...dead bird, then..."

                He started to grab for her, but then suddenly!

                The door burst open, catching their attention. They squinted into the bright light, trying to make out the silhouette in front of them.

                "Hello?" called out a familiar, masked general.

                "General Shadow?" Ankh asked, at the same time Hina cried out, "Father!"

                She tore away from him, running over to greet General Shadow. "What are you doing here?"

                "He's not your father," Ankh grumbled as he sat down, poking at the chicken. "He's not a Rider either."

                "Ah, daughter!" Shadow replied, hugging her. "I was wondering if you were almost done here? It's almost time for our card game."

                Hina looked past him to see Kamen Riders Garren and Chalice behind him. "Of course," she answered, puzzled, "but I thought you already played with all of the card-based Kamen Riders?"

                "We did," he explained, "so we decided to branch out and invite some from other franchises. Gosei Red and Ultraman Orb will be joining us tonight."

                "Oh, that's great!" she answered, letting them in. "Ankh, finish up! You're letting your lucky food get cold!"

                "There's nothing lucky about it," he grumbled, but he tore a drumstick off and took a bite, grimacing all the while. After all, the last thing he needed was for the newcomers to decide to help him by force-feeding him, mincing his food, or yelling at the chicken until it gave up—how had Naoki put up with that all day?

                It was still bad, but it was better than green peppers. And at least now, the other heroes had arrived and started dealing out their cards. Ankh looked over their shoulders and saw some bad hands, grimacing.

                "If you're going to cheat, at least pick a card that's going to undo everything from today," he said, as Alata and Gai glanced at each other, silently questioning if the other even had a card like that.

                He stalked upstairs, only to find the attic door locked. Annoyed, he banged on it, calling out, "Eiji, open up, or so help me, I'm finding that Shocker family and giving them _your_ lucky item!"

                The door opened quickly, revealing a glaring Eiji. "You wouldn't. Not my underwear."

                "Yes, your underwear," Ankh threatened, and finally Eiji let him in. "It's about time. We've had enough Riders break up our fights today—I'm not about to have someone from another franchise do it too."

                "Other franchises? I thought that was forbidden," Eiji said. "What's going on down there?"

                "Who cares?" Ankh asked, and it was very hard to argue with him. "Let's just go to bed and hope everything makes sense tomorrow."

                "Okay," Eiji agreed, quietly sitting on his bed.

                Ankh climbed into his nest, and for a few minutes, it was blessedly quiet...except for the occasional shout or explosion from downstairs. But no giant robots or aliens had broken through the attic, so it counted for something. He started running through the list of Core Medals on his phone when Eiji called out, "Ankh?"

                "What?" he asked, keeping his tone calm now that things seemed to be calming down.

                "You know tomorrow is Hina's birthday, right?"

                Ankh stopped. He already didn't like where this was going.

                "So I was thinking, either we could make her dinner, or you could pretend to be the detective and I could set up a fake zoo for her..."

                Ankh flew off of Shingo's body and made to strangle Eiji before he could even finish that sentence. No, they were done with out-of-character crack installments, even if he had to kill Eiji to be sure of it.

                And finally there _was_ that loud crash of a giant alien and a giant robot bursting through the attic, with Shadow, Garren, and Chalice running for the hills. Ankh was forced to let go of Eiji, handing him three Medals.

                "I don't care what you use to get rid of these guys, but just do it!" he shouted. "Make this day end!"

                Eiji nodded and transformed, charging into a hopeless battle against pure insanity. Either he'd live or die, or they'd wake up and find this whole thing had been a nightmare, but one way or another, they would be free.

                And was curry Hina's lucky food? He could probably get away with it, if she obviously wasn't competing against him this time. And if not, there was always the zoo idea. It would certainly buy them time to get Cous Coussier repaired and cleaned up. After all, it wasn't like they'd have to worry about overly powerful Yummies that would force him and Ankh to do a courtship dance to learn a new combo. That was too crazy even for today.

                Yeah, so curry would work. And maybe tomorrow would be their lucky day.

**Author's Note:**

> Absolutely no part of this fic should be taken seriously. The Net Movies are made of pure crack. Guest appearances from _Goseiger_ and _Ultraman Orb_ because I ran out of superheroes who use cards as their primary weapon. And because if you're going to have a giant something blow up Cous Coussier, why not have two giants? Not to mention that both Wei and I really like _Orb_ , so...
> 
> Wei, I hope you're proud of yourself.


End file.
